How to Use Handcuffs for Dummies
by WitchyGirl99
Summary: Written with Kinky-Hoe! Handcuffs? Why not? Inuyasha and Kagome like them even while ripping their clothes off. Add in a roommate who's bleeding to death, a grumpy neighbor, EMS workers, a frigid grandma and a sexy doctor... Can you spell disaster? InuKag
1. Handcuff Tip Number 1

_Hello readers!_

_YES! The super amazing, beautiful and outstandingly talented **Kinky-Hoe** and I have teamed up together to create a drabble series we're quite proud of. (Well, I'm proud. I'm sure she is too, if not slightly worried for our sanity). We wrote this together, each chapter has bits and pieces of both of us._

_Disclaimer: We do not own Inuyasha, we just like to play in the sandbox. We don't profit from this in any way._

_So without further ado...

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_

**A Kinky-Witch Production Presents:**

How to Use Handcuffs for Dummies

_Chapter One_

_"Handcuff Tip #1: Discuss the concept with your partner before you get any funny ideas."_**

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The room was hot as hell.

Or rather, the corridor was.

She had immediately pushed him against the wall as soon as they got out of the elevator. Actually, the whole seduction process had started inside the huge up-and-down machine. Not that she wanted to impress him that much but some urges were impossible to control around six feet of gorgeousness.

Fisting his long and soft obsidian hair, she urged him to go faster. For a brief moment, when his muscular arms encircled her rather small waist, she wondered if the firefighter that he was had already posed for one of those kinky and horribly sexy magazines. If so, she definitely wouldn't mind a copy. She could clearly see the word 'July' covering his most intimate parts. Of course, she knew what _it_ really looked like…

"K'gome," the young man managed to breathe out, biting back a groan when she licked the shell of his ear. The whole thing just couldn't get any hotter. She was clinging to him, pressing up against him and making it difficult as hell to function at all, even to get into his own apartment. "Fuck, stop. I need to get the keys."

She laughed softly, leaning in to kiss his lips again. "Back pocket? If so, let me get there."

Dark brown eyes widened and he dumbly nodded. He then promptly shook his head no but it was too late. Her small hand was already…palming what needed to be…palmed…

"Wait." That was his job.

"Inuy—"

His right arm trapped her legs, encircling her thighs, right under her bottom, and he lifted her without any extraordinary effort. The keys were in his left hand and he quickly opened the door. If the door had given him as much trouble as his keys then he would've kicked it down. Some things were just more important. And with Kagome touching him like _that_, very few things could top that.

The locks were all done and once inside, Inuyasha was relieved to see that his best friend was still not home. The guy had been doing a lot of extra hours lately, spending unnecessary time at the police station but he certainly wasn't complaining. No Miroku meant more Kagome time.

He slammed the door shut with his feet and threw the goddamned keys away. He quickly glanced at his short-time girlfriend and gulped when he noticed she had already removed her coat and shoes and was working on her blouse. If anything, her horny mood was getting to him.

Not that he was complaining.

Inuyasha's throat went dry when she finally stood before him wearing only her underwear. Her clothes were everywhere and anywhere at the same time and he could swear he had seen her discard her skirt near the kitchen entryway and—oh, there went the bra.

"I believe you are still dressed, Mr. Taisho," she stated in a sultry voice, twirling a raven lock around her index finger.

Well, if that wasn't provocative he didn't know what was.

A shirt and a pair of jean pants later, he had her pinned against the wall, his chest enveloping her bare back. Said wall even shook when he pushed her but that and possibly curious neighbors were none of his concern. For the moment.

"Well, who's in a bad position now?" he teased, his warm breathing caressing the skin of her neck and his hand sliding on her tummy, heading south, just like his very perverted thoughts… Although he doubted he could ever compete with her. Kagome Higurashi was a force all her own.

The cry in her moan was music to his ears and her head jerked, her cheek coming to rest against his shoulder. Kagome eventually opened her eyes, lips parted as her skilled boyfriend continued pleasuring her body and that was when she saw them.

The ultimate role play tool. They were just _there_, within reach, on the rickety end table in the middle of the hallway, next to some ugly decoration plant.

"Inuyasha," she softly spoke.

"Hmm…?"

The raven-haired woman turned around, shuddering at the feel of his proof and giving him a devious smile. His confused look caused the smile to broaden into a grin as she held out the metallic accessories.

"You're getting arrested," she giggled, even though she sounded extremely serious. "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you. Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?"

Inuyasha gasped as she Mirandized him in a sugary voice. Oh, he understood very well. He was getting laid in the _bestest_ of ways, all right.

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_We hope you enjoyed! Let us know what you think!_


	2. Handcuff Tip Number 2

_Kinky-Hoe and I bring you yet another chapter. We hope you enjoy._

_Disclaimer: We do not own Inuyasha, we just like playing in the sandbox. We don't profit from this in any way._

_

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_

**A Kinky-Witch Production Presents:**

How to Use Handcuffs for Dummies

_Chapter Two_

_"Handcuff Tip #2: It is definitely not taboo, but you WANT to do it in private._

_(Yes, you do.)"_

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Inuyasha stared at the gleaming accessories, watching with wide and wondrous eyes as she teased the cool metal down his chest. His breath caught the lower she went, still silently observing what she was doing to him, his mind racing at what she was _going _to do to him.

It was just…a little too hot.

The sharp sound of a click had him stepping forward, his left wrist tingling with the feel of the cold metal as he grabbed her hips and picked her up. Silky legs wrapped around his waist, her bare breasts teasing against his chest as she brought her lips closer.

"Are you going to try and be bad?" she whispered in his ear.

"Oh, I don't have to try." He could feel the smile on her lips as they pressed into his neck, teeth grazing the surface. He held onto her tighter, his rough hands feeling every inch of smooth, silky skin. "Fuck Kagome," he panted, pulling her closer and feeling the heat emanating from her damned, perfect body.

He was pretty sure the bedroom was too goddamn far away and he was _not_ waiting any longer than he needed to. Inuyasha walked down the hall, still carrying the naked woman in his arms. She keened against him, making dirty promises in his ear that almost had him pushing her to the wall and taking her right there.

The bedroom really was too far away.

Turning the moment he saw it, he made his way into the living room, leaning on the arm of the couch while Kagome straddled him wickedly. There was a smile on her face, her brown eyes almost black with lust. He made a noise he'd deny later when she moved against him, rubbing against his hard length between the thin layers of fabric they had yet to remove.

"Handcuffs are meant for both wrists," he pointed out, quickly pushing back onto the softness of the worn couch. It reminded him of the fact that they were in the living room, about to do things that he couldn't wait for. Had anyone dared to enter their apartment, they would have definitely gotten an eyeful.

Kagome laughed softly, crawling over his body slowly, seductively. Her small hands traced the inside of his thighs, his narrow hips and perfectly sculpted stomach. She grinned at him before licking the skin, hands grabbing his hips as she went lower and lower.

Inuyasha groaned, closing his eyes only briefly before deciding he'd rather not lose sight of the view. With her long hair a slight mess from earlier and her lips perfectly kiss-swollen, there was not one thing about her that didn't appeal to him in every possible way.

"If I cuffed both of your hands, you'd get all of the fun," she whispered, a puff of air dancing across his hot skin. She looked up and met his dark eyes, intense heat sparking between them for what would come. "And that would hardly be fair."

It took a moment for Inuyasha to process what she was saying, what she was even talking about. Just watching her was enough to make his brain temporarily shut down due to overload. He couldn't remember even asking her a question. "Shit," he whispered, blinking as she crawled even closer to him and straddled his boxer-clad waist.

"No," she continued slowly, taunting him with that teasing, sultry voice. "I'd rather do this."

Watching her handcuff herself to him should not have been as hot as it was, but Inuyasha had to mentally keep himself in check, or this night of _mind-blowing_ sex was going to be over a lot sooner than planned. "Come here," he said roughly, tugging his left hand so that the cuffs would pull her to him.

She didn't fight it anyways, choosing to lower herself completely onto his body, rubbing against him like there was nothing better. They both knew that wasn't the case. Her lips found his, the slip-slide of softness and heat as they tasted every inch of each other. It was too much, too hot. The sudden burst of need and overwhelming desire flared, deepening kisses and touching anywhere, everywhere.

Inuyasha dragged his hands down the side of her body, clasping her hips and barely suppressing a moan as she rocked into him. Being a firefighter had its advantages though and his strong body sat up, drawing her onto his lap as he leaned against the back of the couch. He wanted to be able to see her, every single perfect inch of her, and lying down wasn't going to give him the best view.

He watched in absorbed fascination as she touched her neck with her cuffed hand, his own resting on top as she teasingly dragged it down her body. The soft, barely-there feel of her breasts against his palm, her flat stomach tightening in anticipation as she continued lower still to her destination, making Inuyasha's head practically combust with need.

"Inuyasha," she breathed. It sounded like a plea and a promise rolled up into one and he wasn't one to deny her any longer. His fingers pressed up into her, moving her lacy panties to the side and thinking about just how sexy every inch of her was. Kagome squirmed on top of him, constantly rocking against him and his hips as his fingers toyed with her, drawing out the most pleasurable feelings imaginable.

He could feel her fingers as they fumbled with the elastic, dragging his boxers down and Inuyasha helped her with his free hand. Finally tossed to the floor, he gasped as her hand circled him, stroking up and down and making him nearly lose his mind.

Her panties were off in seconds, his fingers pulling away from the sensuous heat of her as he pulled her closer, body aching with anticipation. She didn't make him wait long. Her lips crashed to his, passion and need bursting through like waves. Inuyasha held her hips at the jut of the bone, their cuffed hands linking together just as their dark eyes met.

"Want you," she breathed, like she was telling a secret. Her smile was seductive, that last hint of what was to come before she sunk down on him, her pale beautiful body riding his.

He was definitely getting laid in the _bestest _of ways.

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_And then what's a story without a little insanity?_

_You'll find out next time._

_Thank you to everyone that has given such great feedback. You're all wonderful._


	3. Handcuff Tip Number 3

_Disclaimer: We do not own Inuyasha. We do not profit from this in any way._

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**A Kinky-Witch Production Presents:**

How to Use Handcuffs for Dummies

_Chapter Three_

_"Handcuff tip #3: Make sure when you put them on, you know where the key is."

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He wasn't getting laid.

He had known it from the very beginning. Well, his mind had, whereas 'it' had chosen to stay in complete denial. In any case, conclusions were still the same and he wasn't getting any. Which sucked to epic extremes because seriously, what was life without getting laid on a consistent and frequent basis? Didn't chick dig the whole guy-in-uniform thing?

Bah, he didn't really like the girl, the violet-eyed lieutenant thought to himself. His partner was older than him – sexy still – with those ruby eyes of hers, but a total pain in the neck. In honesty, rejection wasn't so hard to digest. There were plenty of women to fool around with. Plenty of women who wanted him. And if there was something to be upset about, it would be the hundreds of police reports he had written when it really was her job.

_Ungrateful bitch._

Stepping inside the elevator, Miroku let out a loud sigh and decided to stop thinking about work and annoying partners who refused to have some _innocent_ cuddly time with him. He pressed the fifth floor button and waited.

He hoped Inuyasha had already bought some dinner to feast on.

...Little did he know what his best friend was actually getting a taste of.

Miroku reached the apartment door, whistling and humming, his good mood finally returning to full force. He had rented a few movies the day before and there were still some he hadn't watched yet.

He really hoped Inuyasha had bought something to eat. Potato chips, popcorns, peanut butter and cookies or whatever... He needed a snack of some sort. He was craving something…crunchy.

As soon as he was inside, the police officer panicked. They had been robbed! They had to have been, there was such a mess in the hallway—someone had definitely caused chaos, kicked down small pieces of furniture...and there were clothes everywhere! Discarded pants... They had been looking for money, as always, those suckers. There was even a bra. _They were probably searching..._ Wait.

Since when did Inuyasha wear women's lingerie?

They might have not been robbed then.

He advanced stealthily towards the kitchen, wondering why everything was silent. Women's lingerie could only mean that someone in his apartment was enjoying life and that this someone wasn't him. _Lucky motherfucker._ The girl's skirt was even hanging on the kitchen door handle! That lucky son of a bitch! Leave it to Inuyasha to get laid the one night he _couldn't_.

Grinning like an idiot, Miroku went on, almost tripping over something that obviously rolled. "Damn," he cursed, eyes darting around. He stopped moving, as if he were some intruder, and held his breath.

Apparently, he still hadn't interrupted anything.

His smile returned and he picked up whatever it was that nearly caused him to fall face first down on the floor. Oh, the decoration plant, he nodded to himself. He set it down on the end table and that was when he saw _them_.

The ultimate freedom spell. They were just _there_, within reach on the rickety end table in the middle of the hallway, when he had been looking for them everywhere. His boss had nearly bitten his head off. So he had the keys, now if he could only find the handcuffs... They had to be around somewhere didn't they?

Taking the keys and pocketing them in his jeans, Miroku continued on his stealthy journey through the house. Maybe Inuyasha had picked up some food before he met that chick. Maybe it was just sitting in the cupboard waiting for him to eat it.

"I-Inuyasha..."

… What was that?

Arching an eyebrow, Miroku smirked, taking his shoes off. Extremely vocal, huh? He could hear them even though they were in his friend's bedroom. He yawned, entered the living room, ready to relax with a bag of food and a good movie when—

"Holy shit!"

Skin. Breasts. Lovely.

"Oh my God! Who is he? Get him out—get out you fucking pervert!"

Manliness. Inuyasha's manliness. Creepy.

"Fuck you, Miroku. Fuck off, dammit—I'm naked!"

Copulation. Yelping. More skin.

"What do you mean _you're_ naked! You are both guys, I'm the one who should feel violated here!"

Amazing, curvaceous hips.

"Miroku, I'm gonna say this only once..."

Glaring. Scary roommate.

Intimate moment.

"Shit, I'm sorry," he finally managed to say, although his eyes were still glued to the girl's ample bosom. He took a few steps back, muttering a couple of lame excuses, wondering how _flexible_ Inuyasha's special friend really was... She sure as hell seemed like it from _that _position. Lucky guy.

"Will you quit staring, you horny bastard!" the scary roommate roared, causing him to stumble backwards. Another excuse escaped his lips and he continued to make his way out – almost there – when his left foot got caught in the carpet without him even noticing it.

He turned around, covering his eyes since the naked beauty wouldn't stop screaming and proceeded to leave.

Then it happened.

Miroku felt the fluffy material pulling on his sock, found himself flying—or falling, he wasn't quite sure—and then the world was pain and only pain.

Was he dying?

Damn, he hadn't even asked Yash where the hell he had met the girl.

He didn't even get laid that evening.

And then, everything went black. Yes and _ouch—_he just had to be dead.

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_The next chapter will be coming up really soon. Thank you for all of the amazing reviews! Feedback is love._


	4. Handcuff Tip Number 4

_Disclaimer: We do not own Inuyasha, we're just playing in the sandbox. We don't profit from this in any way._

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**A Kinky-Witch Production Presents:**

How to Use Handcuffs for Dummies

_Chapter Four_

_"Handcuff Tip #4: Pretending to be bad in handcuffs is great until something really bad happens when you're in handcuffs. Then it isn't so great."_

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There were some things in life you just couldn't really believe.

Like when Inuyasha ran for the first time into a burning building to save lives. Part of him never expected to make it out. When he did though, his gear clinging tightly to him and a woman knocked unconscious in his arms, he couldn't believe it. He was alive.

This was another one of those times. When Miroku randomly walked in on them while he and Kagome were having _mind-blowing _sex, he just couldn't believe it. And then somehow – _someway _– he managed to fall, spin, knock his head off the stupid shelving unit and then collapse to the floor in one big, unconscious heap.

Things like this didn't happen to normal people.

"Miroku?" Inuyasha called out, trying to see his roommate from his spot behind the couch. He could see most of the body, but the top half was obscured by another table in the room.

"You know him?" Kagome gasped, bringing her hands up to her face and dragging his along for the ride.

"He's my roommate, you know, the cop I told you about?" Inuyasha explained. "Shit, we need to make sure he's okay. Can you throw me my pants?"

Kagome spun around, nearly twisting her arm off when she realized she was still handcuffed to him. The metal jingled tauntingly at them, reminding them that their predicament was worse off than they thought. "Here," she said, throwing him his jeans and trying to find her own. It was quite the process getting pants on, since one of them had to help the other with their cuffed hands preventing any individual work. "Inuyasha?" Kagome asked, breaking his thoughts as he was just about to check on his friend. "I can't put on a shirt."

"Why the hell not?" Inuyasha asked, frowning when she merely held up their cuffed hands.

Oh. Right.

"The keys are in the hall," he continued, tugging lightly for her to follow him.

The moment he fully saw Miroku though, everything seemed to stop. Nothing looked wrong until you noticed the small pool of blood forming around his head. "_Fuck_," Inuyasha snapped, running to his friend and nearly killing Kagome in the dragging process. Carefully checking his neck for damage, Inuyasha then slowly pressed around the area of Miroku's skull until warm wet liquid coated his fingertips. "We need to stop the bleeding now and call an ambulance. _Shit_. Miroku, can you hear me?"

"Is he going to be okay?" Kagome asked, looking at him with those dark eyes that moments ago had him lost in lust and pleasure.

Inuyasha nodded grimly, not prepared to think of any other alternative. Miroku wasn't responsive but the hit to the head probably knocked him unconscious. Seriously, Miroku had been attacked and shot in the line of duty. He ran into buildings with guns blazing. He stopped the bad guys before they hurt anyone else… And then he died from catching his best friend in the act, in the living room.

What a way to go.

"We need to get the handcuffs off," Inuyasha said urgently, reluctant to leave his roommate but unable to do anything else. When they got into the hallway there were clothes everywhere and Inuyasha frantically went to the rickety table for the keys.

Except, they weren't there.

"Where the hell–?"

He looked all around the surface of the table, under it and around it. He pushed clothes out of the way and tossed some into the air, hoping the keys would magically fall out. Kagome was searching too, unable to move as well with Inuyasha's constant tugging.

"Where are they?" Kagome asked, her voice rising with slight panic. "Where are the keys Inuyasha?"

"I don't know! They were right here!" Inuyasha yelled, unable to believe it himself. The keys had been in that spot on the table. He _swore_ he left them there, where he'd be able to find them no matter what.

"Well I can't see them!" Kagome spun around again, making a small whine when her shoulder twisted uncomfortably.

"Forget it," Inuyasha snapped, linking their cuffed hands and dragging her into the bathroom. "Miroku's bleeding and we need to stop it before it does serious damage. I don't think it's major but head wounds are never good."

"What do we need?" Kagome asked, her breathing increasing with every moment. How had they just gone from wild, hot sex to _this_? "Where's your cell phone?"

Inuyasha fumbled with his jeans, praying the device hadn't fallen out while he was taking them off earlier. Deep in his pockets he found it and tossed it to Kagome who dialed the emergency number. Pushing through the door into the bathroom, Inuyasha got all the supplies he needed to help Miroku until the medics arrived. As a firefighter he knew quite a bit about injuries, so he quickly went through a list in mind of what he needed.

By the time they made it back to Miroku, the blood pool was larger and Inuyasha dropped to the floor immediately.

"Help is on the way," Kagome said, still talking on the cell phone.

Inuyasha couldn't really care at the moment. The medics weren't here yet and he had to do something or else it could be too late. "Kagome, I'm going to lift his shoulders and head a bit. I need you to stack the towels up so he's elevated slightly."

Kagome nodded, although she looked rather terrified. It was a strange contradiction to the self-assured woman he was with before. As he lifted the body Kagome did as she was told, making sure it wasn't too inclined or uneven. The cell phone was tucked between her shoulder and chin, a voice rattling on the other end. "I don't know," Kagome said to the woman on the other end, as she watched Inuyasha apply pressure to the head wound with another towel. "No, I don't have any idea!"

Inuyasha growled, knocking the phone out of her hand. He was about to snap something out when suddenly there was a loud knock on the door and EMS workers rushed inside.

And that's when it got worse.

"Come on, come on everyone! Hurry up, come on!" a female voice yelled, rushing to their sides and looking awfully… _commanding_. "Why the hell are you naked?" she asked, glaring at the couple. "Are you… _You're handcuffed_!" She gasped, eyeing the man before her with a suspicious look. "Are you hurt? _Where_…?" she added, disgusted and hoping it had nothing to do with his most intimate parts. Who knew what those two were up to anyway; first the handcuffs, and then…?

"What?" Inuyasha scoffed. "It's not me, stupid. It's safe sex we were having." _And it was fucking hot. _He then pointed at his roommate, rolling his eyes at the woman.

She stared at them in horror for a moment before shaking her head and taking the towels from Inuyasha's grip. Her gloved hands removed the cloths, examining the head wound. "Shippo!"

"Right here Sango," a young, red-haired man called, walking into the room and freezing at what he saw. Naked adults? Handcuffs? Blood? "Huh? What the…?"

Inuyasha groaned, standing up and hiding Kagome's topless form behind him. It was a good thing he did too.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY SISTER?" a third voice screamed.

"Sota?" Kagome squeaked, peering over Inuyasha's broad shoulder to see her little brother enter the room in full uniform. "You're on duty?"

"…the fuck?" Inuyasha muttered. Kagome's brother was a paramedic?

"This is disgusting!" Sota whined, hiding his eyes behind his gloved hands. "I did not need to see this."

"I need help!" Sango yelled, snapping everyone's attention to the woman on the ground beside Miroku. "This man is bleeding profusely!"

And when there was absolutely no need for anyone to rub it in…

"What in the _blazes _is going on here?" A man with greying hair entered Inuyasha and Miroku's apartment, scratching his back and clearing his throat.

If Inuyasha could've died from embarrassment, this would be it. "Totosai, go back to your room. I'll explain everything later."

The elderly man pointed a finger at him, glaring at him with big bug-like eyes. "You make an awful lot of racket boy. First with the girl and now all this! What is this?"

"Who is he?" Kagome whispered, curling her body closer to Inuyasha. The less people that realized she was naked, the better.

"My neighbor. My grumpy and annoying neighbor." Inuyasha replied, growling lowly. "Totosai, I'm sorry for the noise but can you please go? We kind of have a situation here–"

"I'll say!" Totosai agreed, coming closer and examining the two EMS workers. "Is that Miroku?"

"Where the hell is the stretcher?" Sango screamed, turning her magenta eyes to the old man before the door. "Shippo!"

"I'm right here," Shippo said, rushing in with the stretcher.

"Okay guys, on my count," Sango ordered.

Totosai watched as the unconscious man was lifted to the stretcher before turning his eyes back to his other neighbor. That's when he noticed something strange. "Are those _handcuffs_?"

"Oh for the love of god," Inuyasha cursed.

"HANDCUFFS?" Sota whipped around, leaving Shippo and Sango to wheel Miroku to the ambulance. "What are you doing–? Oh. Ew. _Ew_ guys, COME ON!"

Kagome hit her head against Inuyasha's back, silently praying for it to all end soon.

"Ah ha!" Totosai announced triumphantly. "So _that's _what all the ruckus was about. You two were doing the dirty!"

"Oh god," Inuyasha groaned, wondering whether this was all part of some conspiracy. Or maybe this was just Embarrass-Me Day.

Or Prevent-Me-From-Getting-Laid Day.

"Can someone please find something to wrap around me?" Kagome begged, looking around the living room but only finding the last of her discarded clothing.

Sota cringed. "There's a blanket in the ambulance. Are you guys coming with us to the hospital? We need someone there. Inuyasha, can you come?"

Sighing, Inuyasha lifted his left hand – the cuffed one. "You take me and you get the whole package."

Sota shuddered, tearing his eyes away from his sister and the guy she was _handcuffed _to. Ew. That was just _wrong_. "I never want to hear that ever again."

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_Thank you for all the feedback! We hope you enjoyed. More to come!_


	5. Handcuff Tip Number 5

_The last chapter everyone. We hope you enjoy immensely. Author's Note at the bottom._

_Disclaimer: We do not own Inuyasha. We make no profits from the story.

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_

**A Kinky-Witch Production Presents:**

How to Use Handcuffs for Dummies

_Chapter Five_

_"Handcuff Tip #5: Keep your handcuffs. Reuse your handcuffs. You never know what could happen."

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Dark orbs glared at the balding man sitting across from him. "Seriously?"

Totosai chuckled lightly. "Check-up," he replied, patting the left side of his chest. "Young people," he muttered. "With you all going to the hospital, did you really think I'd just stay at home?" He scoffed before glancing over at Inuyasha's girlfriend, who was only covered in a thin white blanket. "Hey," he called. "Are those...B or C-cups?"

Kagome gave him a horrified look and clung to her boyfriend's arm, who didn't think about it twice before he hit the elderly pervert. "You just try old man, and by the time we'll be arriving at the hospital, you'll need more than just a fucking check-up."

The poor neighbor remained silent, sending dark looks to Inuyasha like a kid who had just been scolded. The firefighter opened his mouth to add a few more loving words when the driver of the ambulance violently pulled on the brakes, causing Inuyasha to bonk his head on some _damned medical stuff_.

"Sorry," Shippo called from the front. "I usually don't do this."

"I'll say," Inuyasha grumbled. The ride to the hospital so far had been about as smooth as sailing through a hurricane.

From the moment the door opened, everything went so fast that the only thing the handcuffed firefighter could easily remember was Kagome blowing his eardrums up with all the yelling she was doing. So what if people caught a _glimpse_ of her boobs? They were good boobs and it was a wonderful opportunity to evacuate some steam by beating up the assholes that were staring at his girlfriend's goodies. But by the time Kagome was done pulling at her blanket, another problem surfaced; before he knew it, the nightmare got worse.

"So what do we have here?" an unknown doctor asked as the ER people kept on pushing the hospital bed, running and followed by a nervous Inuyasha, a nearly-naked Kagome and a curious neighbor who had already forgotten to ask for a check-up.

"Name, Miroku Hoshi. Age, twenty-four," an intern—or maybe she was a nurse—read on the chart. "This is not his first time in this hospital," she added.

"I see. Anything specific we need to know? Name of the last doctor or surgeon? Last operation?" the middle-aged doctor pressed.

The intern—or nurse, whatever—shrugged. "He came a few months ago with a bullet in his left arm."

"Oh, he's a cop. A good one too," Totosai chimed in, earning another glare from Inuyasha, who was incredibly silent.

"Dr. Taisho operated him," the intern finished.

The firefighter's jaw dropped. "Dr. who?"

"Not Dr. Who," another masculine voice interrupted. "It's Dr. Sesshomaru Taisho," a tall, dark-haired man corrected, snatching Miroku's medical chart from the intern's hands. "You, of all people, should recognize your own brother," the man added, his nut-brown eyes glancing at the people that surrounded the poor cop. "So what did the pervert go through this time?" he asked.

The previous doctor and her intern merely offered him a shrug, the balding man muttering something about Miroku hitting his head and bleeding, while Inuyasha and a girl he did not know looked away. Obviously, the answer wasn't so clear.

Sesshomaru gave his brother a better look and raised an eyebrow. Being narcissistic was one thing, but leaving home without even putting a shirt on? And why was the girl wearing a bed sheet? Just, _who_ was _she_? And the old man? "The patient needs stitches from what I understand," the doctor commented. "We need a general X-ray to make sure he didn't break anything else and then wait for him to wake up."

The other staff nodded and left pushing the hospital bed. Inuyasha scoffed, looking at his half-brother as if he had just received his MD-PhD in a banned Kinder Surprise. "So that's it? He could be dying and all you say is _stitches_!" he yelled, pointing at the direction the doctor, interns and nurses went, his handcuffed hand exposed to world.

Both of Sesshomaru's eyebrows shot up this time. "Well, this explains it all," he stated. "And who are you, miss?" he asked the blanket-covered girl.

A very mortified Kagome mumbled her full name, bowing slightly. "I'm Inuyasha's girlfriend," she added. It was such a shame that she had to meet her boyfriend's family in that state; were all the Taishos so freaking hot? Dear lord, she was only wearing a practically see-through blanket. This…just couldn't get any worse if it tried.

Wrong.

The doctor's gaze scrutinized the handcuffs until his personal nurse showed up with his schedule. "Dr. Sesshomaru," she called informally. "The chief would like to see you and—oh, hello, Inuyasha. Wow, are these handcuffs, really?"

The younger Taisho immediately hid his hand, along with Kagome's hand, behind his back. "Hi, Rin," he mumbled and both his girlfriend and Totosai leaned in to see if he was indeed blushing.

"Rin, go check on patient Miroku Hoshi; I think he hurt his eyes before he actually hit his head and started bleeding," Sesshomaru ordered, inwardly shaking his head at the couple before him. "And you," he addressed Totosai before the nurse left. "Why are you standing in the middle of a corridor along with these two freaks?" he asked, ignoring the long flow of curses that escaped his brother's mouth.

"Check-up," the balding man replied with a grin.

"There's a waiting room and—ah, Rin, just take this man with you."

"Yes, Dr. Sesshomaru."

They both turned to leave, but the tall doctor stopped to add, "And you two," he pointed at Inuyasha and Kagome, "are going to be nicely sitting in the waiting room. No flash of skin. This is a hospital." And he left, his ego boosting as he heard more comments about his looks coming from the other nurses and medical staff. It was definitely a nice day, even though his brother showed up half-naked.

To be honest, it was the fucking _highlight _of his day. Blackmail for eternity, all nicely wrapped with a bow.

When Inuyasha and Kagome entered the waiting room, they tried to act indifferent in the best way they could, since his chest was bare and her blanket had turned into a disastrous bustier dress. All in all, the world knew they had been interrupted while doing the deed.

The two of them sat quietly. They were followed by a woman and a small child with white hair and big, lavender violet eyes, who seemed oddly intrigued by the young couple. "Aunt Kagura, Aunt Kagura," he called, tugging on the woman's hand and pointing at Inuyasha and Kagome, "Look, look! Are they convicts?"

The couple glanced at each other, Kagome's cheeks flushing from rage and Inuyasha's jaw twitching when the woman covered the boy's eyes with her hand and said, "Men. They always like the most whorish wenches. Don't look at them, Haku."

"What the hell is her problem?" the raven-haired girl said out loud, boring holes into the back of that Kagura-woman's head. As soon as she heard someone clearing their throat, her head jerked and Kagome found herself glaring at an old lady, who was sitting across from her and Inuyasha and currently folding her hands.

"They are all so badly educated nowadays," the grandmother muttered to herself.

"Who's badly educated?" Kagome yelled, her previous discomfort suddenly gone. "I'm a librarian, okay? Not a hooker, not a wench, a _librarian_," she declared to the old lady and the waiting room in general, drawing attention and causing her boyfriend to feel uneasy.

"Kagome," he whispered, his handcuffed wrist tugging on hers, even though he really wanted to scream, _That's my girl, people. Hell yeah._

"So I'm fucking educated!" she concluded, nodding.

By the time she was done ranting, the poor grandmother looked rather pale and that was when a man in scrubs entered the waiting room, causing the whispers and murmurs to stop.

"Kyoda… Kaede?" he called, a medical file in his hands. "Is Kaede Kyoda here?"

The old lady immediately stood up and ran up to her doctor, only pausing when Kagome furiously added, "And you hear that, grandma? I also get _laid_, you frigid—"

"Ha ha, okay, okay, we're done here, show is over," Inuyasha cut in with his best fake smile, standing up. "We really hope you enjoyed and as members of the hospital association we're off to entertain those who are to die, namely the cancer and AIDS people," he improvised, bowing and dragging his girlfriend out, all the while trying to ignore the fact that the old lady had left hyperventilating.

Okay, so by this point, it could only get better, right?

Wrong again.

"Handcuffed idiots! Handcuffed idiots, where are you?" a female voice shouted, causing Inuyasha to pause mid-stride away from the waiting room. He turned to see the woman from the ambulance – Sango, he thought her name was – walk in with massive, angry-looking clippers.

That couldn't be good.

"What the hell are those for?" he demanded, wide-eyed as his gaze swept from the clippers to his groin.

Oh hell no.

Sango walked up to them, looking rather irritated with a twisted grin on her face. "Don't you want them removed?"

"_NO!_" Inuyasha exclaimed, stumbling backwards and dragging Kagome with him.

"Inuyasha, it's for the handcuffs!" Kagome snapped, jerking her hand and whining as the metal dug into her wrist. "Yes, we want these off."

"Isn't there anything better?" Inuyasha asked, still wary of the rather large tool. "Like, you know, a lock pick?"

Sango rolled her eyes, sighing exasperatedly. "Does it look like I know how to pick a lock? No. Is it my fault that you handcuffed each other while doing only god-knows-what and now I have to sit around and clean up your mess? No. So please, make my night and put out your wrists."

"Plea–"

"You are rather rude," Inuyasha interrupted Kagome, squinting at the paramedic. He could feel the day starting to catch up with him – the fact that he'd been interrupted during mind-blowing sex, dealing with his unbelievable roommate bleeding to death, his dick of a half-brother and Kagome was standing beside him the entire time with nothing but a blanket and he would just _love _to strip her right now and finish what he started! This was just not _fair_! "Yeah, you just storm in here and publicly insult us." Inuyasha's voice rose, letting the pent up frustration build and build until it finally all exploded. "And what's worse, you try to cut off my balls!"

It was one of those moments you wish you could take back but you couldn't. Because of course the moment he chooses to yell anything remotely inane the room has to go quiet. Everyone was just _looking _at them.

Bursting out laughing, Sango practically screamed when she doubled-over with giggles. The clippers in her hand fell to the floor as she wiped the tears from her face. "You– The looks– Oh my _god_, the shit that happens in this job. You two are great."

"Thanks," Kagome mumbled, glaring at Inuyasha who was at least smart enough to look a little embarrassed.

"Taisho…Inuyasha?" Rin's voice called and Inuyasha turned around sharply, dragging Kagome with him.

"Is Miroku alright?" Inuyasha asked, blinking down with big brown eyes at the small nurse in front of him. "Did he lose too much blood?"

"As of right now he's resting in his room. Everything went fine but he's a bit groggy from the medication. If you'd like to see him, I can allow you to for a few short minutes," Rin explained, looking between Inuyasha, Kagome and Sango.

Inuyasha nodded, feeling relief flood him. "Please."

Turning around, Rin led the three up into a small room that smelled of antiseptic and _clean_. Miroku was lying on a bed, his head bandaged and eyes closed. The three walked into the room slowly, Inuyasha pulling Kagome with him as he approached the bedside.

"You and your goddamn timing," Inuyasha growled under his breath, shaking his head at his friend.

Kagome smiled a bit before shrugging. "I'm sorry I called you a pervert," she whispered.

"Good, I resented that," Miroku grumbled, scrunching up his face before opening his eyes. "And given any other day, you'd say my timing was impeccable."

Rolling his eyes, Inuyasha bumped his fist against Miroku's shoulder. "How are you feeling, idiot?"

"Like I had been currently bleeding to death on the floor," Miroku said dryly. "I must say though, it was quite a show before everything went black."

Eyes widening, Kagome stepped back so she was slightly behind Inuyasha. "I take that apology back."

Miroku sighed dramatically, violet eyes scanning the room until they fell on a tall, voluptuous woman who was standing in the corner with…oversized pliers? He looked her up and down, realizing that she was at least a twelve out of ten and smiled. "Well hello there," he said smoothly, raising a brow. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

Sango frowned for a moment. "Uh, I'm here to cut through the handcuffs–"

"We should go," Inuyasha said, coughing loudly and edging out towards the door. "Feel better!"

"Handcuffs?" Miroku asked, before dawning registered and his eyes zeroed in on Inuyasha and Kagome. "Show me your hands."

"Really, we should be going," Kagome pressed.

"They're handcuffed to each other," Sango confirmed, nodding her head. "It was quite the scene."

"You _naughty_ guy!" Miroku exclaimed, grinning so wide it must have hurt. "You used my handcuffs in your scheme to get laid? I didn't think you had it in you!"

"Thanks a lot Sango," Inuyasha grumbled, glaring at the paramedic. "Will you just snap them off and be done with it? Don't you have some other life to save?"

"I do, actually," Sango replied, lifting the clippers gleefully and testing them in the air. "So, I wouldn't move if I were you."

"Sango dearest, what are you doing?" Miroku interrupted, sounding rather worried.

Turning around with incredulous eyes, Sango coughed. "Um, what did you call me?"

"Let's have dinner," Miroku said smoothly.

"Um…"

"Great, I'll pick you up when I get out of here. Moving on, what are you doing?"

Sango blinked a few times, staring at the bed-ridden man before tilting her head. "What? You're picking me– You are not coming–"

"For goodness sake just get these off!" Kagome whined. "I'm partially naked and I just want my clothes."

"And a cold shower," Inuyasha added, mumbling under his breath.

"What the hell are you removing them like that for? Just use the key!" Miroku exclaimed, waving his hands in the air for emphasis. "I _need _those to do my job, you forget!"

"We don't know where the key is," Kagome answered, glaring pointedly at Inuyasha. "Someone lost them."

"They were right on the table!" Inuyasha shouted, sighing long and loud. "They were _right_ there."

"Oh." The single word made all three people turn around, staring at Miroku blankly as the man on the bed smiled sheepishly. "Oh," he repeated.

"Oh?" Sango asked, rather intrigued by the entire situation. And to think that her job was usually so much more _depressing_…

"Miroku, what does 'oh' mean?" Inuyasha asked, taken a dangerous step forward with Kagome right behind him. "Do not tell me that you–"

In a quick motion, Miroku held up his hand with a ring of keys dangling from his fingertips. "I, uh, had been looking for them."

"MIROKU!"

"It's not my fault you decided to have naughty, role-playing _sex_!"

"Hey, hey!" Rin yelled, walking into the room and giving stern looks at all of them. "Miroku, you need to relax. Inuyasha, you should probably take your girlfriend home."

Inuyasha barely acknowledged the young nurse and snatched the keys from Miroku's hand. Growling low, he quickly undid the handcuffs, all the while glaring at his roommate, and then threw the metallic twins at him. Kagome squealed with delight and Rin prevented her from giving them all a victory dance when she was only wearing a thin, hospital blanket, by firmly placing her hands on the librarian's shoulders.

"We're finally free," Kagome laughed. "This feels like waking up from a difficult nightmare," she told Inuyasha, whose thoughts were already heading south _again_.

"Well," he smiled back, cradling her in his arms, "aren't you ready to go back to wonderland?" the firefighter whispered in her ear as they made their way out, a blushing Rin escorting them.

"You're terrible," Kagome giggled.

The nurse rolled her eyes as she witnessed Inuyasha's cocky expression and pressed them to get out of the hospital. She had work to do and she didn't want them to screw each other's brains out anywhere near her.

As for deadly injured people…

"Will you please get those out of my sight?" Sango pleaded, eyeing the handcuffs that were still in Miroku's hands.

The policeman scratched his head. "Right… Uh…" He quickly glanced around, looking for a decent place to hide the little monsters.

But what's decent when it's all about kinky handcuffs in a hospital?

_Whatever. She only wants them out of her sight._ Deciding that his pillow would do, Miroku quickly shoved them under it. "So," he grinned, "Tomorrow?"

The brunette snorted. "They'll never let you out before the day _after_ tomorrow."

"But this means you're interested?" Miroku waggled his eyebrows. "And I promise. No handcuffs."

The next thing he knew, Sango was playfully pressing his face into the damned pillow.

–

"Good morning, Mr. Hoshi. How are you feeling to—Miroku?" Rin's eyebrows shot up as she wondered where the heck her patient was as she entered his room. "Hello?"

"Well?" a slightly curious Dr. Sexy added, following her, Miroku's medical chart in his hands.

Eyes focused, both the nurse and the doctor scanned the room. The door to the bathroom was open so he most definitely wasn't there. He had also attempted to make his bed. Perhaps he was at the cafeteria?

_But he should have been served breakfast already,_ Rin mused.

"Oh, Rin?" a fellow nurse called from the corridor. "You're not looking for patient Miroku Hoshi, are you?" she asked, carrying a small tray of medical supplies as she headed to the nearest OR. "He discharged himself this morning."

"What? But his tests—oh, well," Rin shrugged and waved at her co-worker. Patients did that all the time. "I should just change the bed sheets." She then turned to Sesshomaru, who had his arms crossed. "You have other patients. Have a good day."

Sighing, Dr. Taisho was about to leave when he heard Rin mutter a curse and the sound of metal hitting the floor. The nurse completely removed the sheets before she looked down. She heard the doctor come up behind her, probably intrigued as well.

And then, there they were.

The nicest pair of handcuffs saying hello.

Rin stiffened and quickly glanced at Sesshomaru, who was already looking at her.

"We can't, n-n-n-not here, can we?" the girl mumbled.

He quickly kicked the door shut, his eyes flashing. "_Yes, we can._" Licking his lips, Dr. Sexy murmured, "You have the right to remain silent."

Final tip?

You go and enjoy your handcuffs.

* * *

_Author's Note:_

First of all, I want to thank the brilliant, absolutely amazing **Kinky-Hoe**. Working with her was a pleasure and despite our ridiculously stupid lives and busy schedules (I think she has it worse than I do, which is as funny as it is horrifying) we managed to finish our first story together! She is awesome beyond all levels of awesome and if you don't already know about her you've been living under a rock and should READ IT :)

Secondly, thank you to all the readers out there for being amazing, as per usual. The feedback we got was so sweet and encouraging.

_As for the story, that's all! We hoped you liked it!_


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